The power of play for ADHD/Autistic children

 

What is play?

Play is described in various ways by experts, but there are some key words that seem to be repeated– fun, self-initiated, not motivated by reward, uncertain and non-productive.  When a child was asked about play they apparently responded: “It’s what I do when everyone else has stopped telling me what to do”

To me, play is an activity or state that brings enjoyment, positive energy and connection, to self and to others.  It has a flexible format and can be done in any way that suits that individual or family.

 

The Importance of Play for Child Development

Play is most certainly the way that our brains learn best.  Without external demand and expectation, curiosity and creativity can flourish. This is true for a lifetime, but most obvious as our children are developing.

Play for physical development

Children need play to develop physical motor and sensory skills in their bodies.  Research has clearly shown that these skills underpin any kind of emotional and cognitive learning and so it is vital that children move and challenge their body in a variety of environments.   They may run, climb, rock, swing, crawl,  – the more varied the better and as they see, hear, touch and experience different things as they do this, their bodies develop a sense of balance and awareness so critical to their overall development.

Play for emotional development

When children begin to interact with others and they feel the back and forth of play, they can learn to take turns, to share, to read other people’s emotions and to express their own feelings.  This happens very gradually and in line with the development of their brain.  I think as adults we are still often learning this as we go through interactive ‘play’ with others!

 

Play for cognitive development

As children interact and communicate with others in playful interactions, their language and cognitive skills are developed.  Their executive function skill development, like focusing and organising, can be supported and extended gradually and they take on higher level skills.

 

Types of play that help child development

Play to me is anything from playing football in the garden, cooking with mum or dad, online gaming with friends, a board game around the table, a shared laugh at a funny joke with friends or reading a book under their bed – it is literally anything that is fun (for them), challenges them but doesn’t demand skills that they don’t yet have, and helps them to understand and feel more connected to themselves and people around them.

All children will have preferences for types of play – some children may prefer physical play, that involves a lot of contact with others whilst others will not want this and prefer to write stories on their own.

Our ADHD/Autistic children often have strong preferences and forcing them into play that doesn’t feel enjoyable to them will make it a demand and therefore take away the fun element.  We can certainly invite and encourage them to join in a certain type of play, but choice is a really important element in my opinion.

 

The Importance of Play for Regulation

 

What is co-regulation?

When we, as parents, are regulated – able to feel our emotions authentically, but also hold space for our children to feel theirs and to support them in this – we can help our children to develop self-regulation skills.  In order to have our own regulation, we need to ‘play’ too – time doing things that bring us enjoyment, fun and relaxation mean that we have a big enough window of tolerance to be regulated for our child, even when they are struggling with big emotions. And when we play with our child, this serves as wonderful co-regulation, building trust and collaboration, which creates stronger connections.

A shared joke, a game of cricket in the garden or a family tradition all give each member of the family a strong sense of acceptance and belonging, and this builds trust, which strengthens connection, and strong family relationships mean that most challenges can be faced more easily and with more resilience.  The Sunday morning pancake making or the Wednesday night pizza night, may seem relatively insignificant to us, but to our children, they build a predictable framework for their lives and it’s these small rituals that we often remember with great fondness from our own childhoods.

 

Playing with Music

 

The benefits of playing with music

Music is a wonderful addition to any type of play.  Neuroscientists have shown the remarkable benefits of listening to music, singing, and making music for all of our brains.  When our children have the opportunity to be around music, in whatever way, their brains are changed and the development of all types of skills is enhanced.  If we can listen, sing or make music together, we get lots of added bonuses of happy hormones being released, which creates feelings of bonding and connection as well as fun, enjoyment and lots of wonderful regulation!

Types of play that can be done with music

Music lowers cortisol in our bodies, and our child’s, increases oxytocin (the love hormone) and when we do it together, it syncs our heart and brain waves too – you can’t get more connected than that! You don’t have to have a tuneful voice, just sing – your child won’t mind a bit; you can drum on pots and pans and listen to whatever they are into at the time – the only thing that matters is that you do it and have fun, keep it low demand and connect.

 

The Importance of Play for Family Connection

 The benefits of play for family connection

I think I’ve covered all this earlier – let me know if you do want more here

 

Types of play for family connection

(just give a couple of examples of play that help)

 

Strategies for Encouraging Play

Our ADHD/ Autistic children can struggle to play in the ‘accepted’ or ‘expected’ way sometimes. We know that they may prefer to play alone, organising the toys, at some stages or may not want to dress up or role play, with their peers.  Alternatively, they may love games that involve a lot of movement and body contact and struggle to sit still to play cards. Knowing how to play in a group may take more time for them to develop which can be difficult for us to see, but whatever their preferences if we can remember that if it is fun – for them – it brings them joy and it builds connection with themselves and others in some way, then it is play. If we can let go of our own pre-conceptions of what play ‘should’ look like, then we can support our child to enjoy play that works for them.

 

Conclusion

 

The Lifelong Impact of Play

Play brings enjoyment for our whole life and builds skills and connection at every stage – look at the way a group of young adults meet their peers, in person or online, or an older group of people enjoy a sing along.  We all need to play to support our physical and mental wellbeing.  Playing with our children is, in my opinion, a great privilege and opportunity, to support skill development, regulation and most importantly our relationship with them.  Don’t worry about what your play looks like in comparison to other individuals or families – if it brings you and your family fun, enjoyment and connection, you’re doing it well.